I am requesting guidance and peace at this time because I'm going through a really difficult break up. My boyfriend has recently lost his mother and I went through it all with him and was by his side. It was 6th months ago and was a really tough time for him, considering they did not have a good relationship. I think he holds slot of gilt and is very angry at himself. I have told him to see some one professionally in hopes we can get through this together, and in the process he wanted to take a break. I was devastated. He told me he didn't know why and couldn't answer that at this time. He just said I'm so confused and scared. I could not help but take this personally. I'm trying to understand where is he coming from but don't know why he is pushing me away. The arguing got real bad at the end, because of his anger and then my resentment. But I was always willing to work through it with him. I wanted to marry him, and he told me the same. We have been friends for 10 years and were very serious about how we felt for one another. Help me to understand this please. Thank you very much. D.

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Dear One,

The death of a family member, especially a parent, can stir a great deal within the bodies and psyches of the children of that parent, even if they are adults with a life of their own. The passing out of physical form of one whom one has had significant karmic ties to often creates an identity shift, sometimes an identity crisis, in the one who remains on the Earth who must reorganize their consciousness in a new way. This reorganization is needed because the psychic self as well as the physical and energetic self is no longer the same after the parent or family member has left the physical plane. The reason for this are the karmic ties of identity and emotion that exist between one family member and another. Some of these ties are much deeper than the conscious self perceives, and at the time of death, the one remaining in embodiment may literally feel a kind of shock to their emotional and energy bodies because of the breaking of those ties which had existed up until the time of passing. The breaking of ties does not generally happen completely at the time of death, but may take a much longer period of time, especially when the relationship has been complex.

In general, only time is needed in order that this psychic and energetic reorganization takes place. The one who remains on the physical plane may feel that they have a 'hole' within them where there was none before. Now, that hole must be filled with a new version of identity and with a new feeling of how to be in the world. However, it can also happen that healing is postponed, and that it takes quite a long while to get past the shock of the family member's passing, especially when one is not trying to deal with it in a conscious way. Then, help may be sought later on, and indeed, at any point within life, since the critical event will remain active in the person's unconscious mind, even if not within their waking awareness.

As one who has been affected by the event of your loved one's mother's passing, it is important that you not take this personally, but know that a deep reorganization of identity may be needed within him, and that it may take time. How long is unknown. You may, in the meantime, pray for his healing and for his return to a sense of balance and safety so that he may get over the shock to his energetic being.

There is no way of predicting how events will go, however, for each embodied soul has choices to make concerning how they will deal with the difficulties of life and with what degree of consciousness. Your own response, beloved one, can be to send love and prayers in the direction of your loved one. This will be of greatest help.

Blessings - Julie Redstone