I've been in a spiritual rut for some time now. I have prayed more than ever before, to the point of tears, for God to allow me some kind of reassurance he recognizes me. Some kind of acknowledgment. I didn't care what form, as long as it was obvious so I didn't mistake his signal for something else. And nothing at all has happened. This is not something i tried once on and gave up. I've been doing this almost every night for weeks. I've cried myself silly, praying, begging for him to show me some sign he is aware of me. And i get nothing. I feel nothing, i see nothing, i hear nothing. Not even coincidences that I could force myself to believe were God. Nothing. I am so frustrated now. I feel as though God has either rejected me, or dislikes me... I honestly am starting to believe that not only does God reject me, but he dislikes me as well. I feel useless, when all I wanted was to contact God, so I could be used by the Lord. I don't know what to do anymore. I've felt second-string, long enough in my life, why is the one, all-knowing being rejecting me as well? I understand that God does not show himself in obvious ways. I also understand that there are things people are meant to go through, and eventually we will understand it had to happen. Believe me, I get this. But there is no reason for God to want me to feel bad about myself. I do not doubt he is there. I only doubt that he cares for me. I've looked everywhere, and tried to find hidden meanings in my life, and there is nothing which fits for this. All i ask from God is acknowledgment. Recognition of some sort, that he is there, and he doesn't dislike me. It's the only thing I want. The only thing i ask for. Please pray for me. B.

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Dear Beloved One,

Your heart is longing for acknowledgment from God and is receiving it, though not in the way that you are looking for it. There is an issue within you in need of healing that has to do with worthiness, with longstanding feelings of not being good enough and not feeling valued. It is this issue that God is addressing as your feelings gather around the pain of feeling rejected once again.

The truth, dear one, is that you cannot ask God to prove to you that you are worthy through acknowledgment. God exists as the source of love, yet one must have a receptive vessel in which to receive that love, and if one's feelings of self-worth are sufficiently diminished, then the love will be present but one will not be able to feel it due to beliefs concerning the self. It is this dilemma that you are in, and the response to your prayer is being met through bringing this important issue in need of healing into the foreground so that it can be healed.

In order to receive from God, one must open one's heart in love to receive love. Proof, when it comes as a request in order to dispel doubt, often does not come as a sign from God, even though one's emotional self may wish fervently that this were so. 'Proof' comes in the way of addressing the real need that exists within an embodied soul, even when that soul is not aware of that real need. Such is the case in this situation. The real need for your healing in this area is being addressed, and it is up to you, now, beloved one, to know that it is God's love that is addressing this need by bringing it forward.

At this time in your soul's history, your longing for relationship with God has been activated and that is a very good thing. Let your longing be for love however, and let that longing be reflected in your own heart's opening to your own love for God. This, more than anything else, will bring you the feeling of closeness and intimacy that you are seeking. The other, which is the need for proof of your being worthy, can only be healed by your becoming more conscious of how it is operating in your life.

Your are blessed, dear one, to be in such an active process of seeking. Continue to ask for love from the place of recognizing yourself as a soul, created by God, and this love will begin to be felt by you. Separate the desire for intimacy with God and love from 'proof,' and let the healing of this important issue deepen within you. Blessings - Julie Redstone