I am need to know how to stay focus and trust in God that I am where he wants me to be at this time. I am as most are right now suffering through job loses to both my husband & I. So we are drowning financial in a sea of debt with no clear way out... I pray several times a day for God to assist us in every area of our lives but feel as if he is not listening. I have had horrible thoughts of ending my life several times. As I feel the debts we carry are mainly because of me. I lost my 15 year old daughter in an auto accident back in 1998... she was in a 10 day coma and never woke up.... 2 Years later after divorcing my first husband after 24 very long years of both physical and emotional abuse, I met the love of my life. Became pregnant very unexpectedly sadly I lost the baby in the 30 week,, just 2 years after losing my daughter... I was completely lost and went from pleading with God to bring me home to screaming at him for all this horrible pain.. I than started to make bad choices of jobs to take [I am unable} after 2 years of unemployment now to find any work.. . I just feel so hopeless I have pleaded and pleaded for God to help me show me a way back to do what I love most and that is caring for others! Please I am so lost and I do not want to end my life and suffering as I know all too well how horrible that pain is.. I've buried 2 of my children already...We are in need of a miracle financial blessing... Please help Thanks V.

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Dear One,

You have experienced many significant losses in your life and they are not without meaning. They are the center of a new identity that is being formed within you that takes these burdens of pain to God to ask for healing. Your choice in this matter is to allow the pain that you feel to strengthen your relationship with God, or to become angry and to turn away, seeking other sources of comfort. The answer to your pain, including the pain of financial insecurity, may not be a clear solution in economic terms, but it may be the deepening of your relationship with the source of security that is your inner relationship with God. This often happens in relation to losses that are experienced, especially severe ones of the kind that you have lived through. Your soul, in its wisdom, has integrated this tragedy into your life in order that the healing process bring you to a new place in your identity as a child of God and to a new place in your relationship with God. Allow this healing of your heart around the losses you have felt to take center stage. Do not try to rush it. Let your heart open to greater love and to a greater desire to commune with God. Let all burdens of pain be brought to God. This is the choice before you, beloved one, and it takes place in the presence of financial insecurity and hardship so that you can know that your relationship with peace, safety, and security does not depend on outer hardship, but on the inner state that you are able to maintain.

It may feel to you that the job situation and having a job is the answer to your prayers, and in fact it is true that it would enable you to feel more comfortable and less anxious in many ways, and, from a human standpoint, is natural to desire. Yet your soul has chosen a different path for you, an essentially spiritual path, where the main issue is your trust in God in the midst of adversity, not just during times of greater outer security.

Give yourself time to heal from the losses you have felt, beloved one, and give your heart fully to God even while there is no answer to your financial dilemmas. May your life and your heart be blessed. Julie Redstone