It brings me such intense pain to say that my husband and I (together 22 years with 2 kids) have come to a place of clarity that we are meant to move in different paths. He got cancer 4 years ago, and 2 years later left me and had another relationship. I went through great healing on my own, then he approached me 9 months later to try again. We have been in counseling and doing lots of work for about 1 year. We have been back living together (never got divorced before), but something kept feeling out of place for him. I felt his heart could not connect to mine the way I so desire it, and in the last week he has gained clarity to realize this is true.

Both of us want badly to take the next steps in love and light. I am haunted by lots of darkness at all moments, but am constantly praying for light. He and I are holding each other in compassion and we are both scared. It is his understanding that he needs to grow in a different way. He somehow cannot fully find himself in this relationship anymore, as much as it pains us both. I wonder if his experience with cancer (he has been healthy for 3 years) somehow changed his soul in a way that could no longer flourish with me? I am trying hard not to hear voices that I'm not good enough. I have already made such headway here. But, I need help so badly right now. I am desperate to connect to the light -- I am being tempted to fall into darkness every second.

Thank you for your kind support. - Kendall

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Dearest Kendall,

With open hands and open heart you must place yourself in God's hands, moving toward a future that is unknown to you. This is the nature of surrender, and apart from all other relationship issues that are matters of the heart, the need to surrender to change that is occurring is a matter of the soul and is called forth by the circumstances of life, for some in a more intense way, for others less so.

Letting go involves acknowledging the loss and the pain of saying goodbye to something that has been held with love, but it also involves clinging to God's love with the anticipation that something good, albeit unforeseen, will come out of the process of surrender.

You do not, in this letting go, need to assign blame to anyone in terms of what could or could not, did or did not happen in this relationship. What is important is the acknowledgment of caring and of valuing the best aspects of what has been, and at the same time attuning your own heart to the meaning of surrender so that you can open to the new that will emerge out of this situation.

There are many relationship changes taking place on the Earth today as healing issues and motivations that were previously buried are coming to the forefront of consciousness. This upsurge of formerly buried impressions, desires, feelings, and conflicts can cause relationships that seemed destined to continue, to end, and those that seemed unlikely to join, to find their way. In addition to that, the advent of a life-threatening disease such as cancer can propel a soul into the need to make new choices in life, with the sense of a possibly limited amount of time being left.

In the forefront, however, must be held the inner changes in the emotional economy of each consciousness, so that room can be given and acknowledgment can be offered to the new awarenesses that are trying to arise. This is as true for you as it is for your husband, and so you must look within yourself as you let go, to see what is trying to arise and awaken within you.

You are in pain, dear one, and this is understandable, since you are losing something you have valued. Reach, however, for what you are moving toward, which despite being unknown to you is known to God.

Blessings and all love to you - Julie Redstone