My life has been one of pretty overwhelming challenges from early on and I don't find myself in a better place despites efforts of not feeding negative thoughts all the time. I try and relax into life the best I can but in fact I'm increasingly upset and nervous that I may not be the spritual person that I thought. What I mean is: three psychics told me this year that I'm from a much higher dimension and suggested that my situation of victimhood is there because I'm channelling collective victim energies. Well, many things these channels, angels etc. claimed didn't come true... and I am starting to doubt whether any of this is true. Thing is, I have no way of verifying. Surely, if I am indeed a higher being in disguise it's really WELL disguised. I have no psychic powers, nothing I do is that extraordinary, and I am not able to communicate with possible guides. I feel pretty lonely! Spirituality doesn't really comfort me anymore as I am not able to go for any illusions in that regard. I am afraid of becoming cynical as nothing indicates any improvement with me and my life. I'm on disability for a back issue that cannot be fixed. I don't feel terribly motivated to do meditation or to process my own mind and issues anymore... I feel that I'm above all *rituals* (meditation, protection, other spiritual practices, etc) of any kind, but am I correct in assuming this? Who am I really? And is (what) I'm going through by being forced to retain a victim stance because of my illness as meaningless as it seems... I've also been writing a book about my life's experiences but lost all motivation, as I'm sick and tired of my miserable past (a problem since I feel the book should maybe come out). I have previously imagined my life to be quite meaningful in a spiritual way but I'm losing my confidence. Is there any way you could help me understand who I am, what I'm here to do, and whether it will ever get any better? -- VM

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Dear One,

Your time of suffering has gone on very long but a time of hope is ahead of you. Though you have been told many wonderful things by those who you have consulted and have found those things not materialized, the problem was not that they were not true, but that the time had not arrived for them to manifest. This is true in relation to finding greater meaning again in your life, and also in relation to feeling a deep inner connection with your higher identity.

It is not necessary for you to know where you came from to feel this connection. All you have to do is to be alive to feel it, and for the obstacles in the way of this perception to be cleared away.

In fact, you are a unique and beautiful soul who has much to give to the world, and not just in terms of the book that you are contemplating. Your gift has more to do with an understanding of the unity of life and of respect for life, and less to do with any specific information that you can impart. Your sense of hope must be restored first, however, so that you can feel these inner connections with your Divine heritage, and that will liberate you to begin to offer your inner knowing in a clearer way.

Regarding the disability that you have had to endure, there are reasons of a karmic nature that you have taken on this challenge. These reasons do not have to do with channeling 'victimization' for the collective, but rather to do with your own standing the test of faithfulness to Spirit in the presence of suffering and in the presence of limitation. Your personal learning in this area has been very important for your soul, and has led to an increase in inner strength, despite the fact that you presently feel without hope and without spiritual confidence. This test of inner strength was not taken on just for yourself, however, but rather to help create that enduring quality for others as well at a time and in situations where that will be much needed.

Do not be concerned about gaining knowledge of what is beyond this dimension, for it will be given to you by Divine guidance as the need arises for you to have it. Rather, try to feel hope again instead of despair and cynicism, for this is the test that your soul has taken on in order to embody the kind of spiritual strength that is a large part of your purpose for incarnating.

It would also be helpful, despite your discouragement, if you could begin to pray again, for prayer, more than anything else, opens the channels to light and hope and begins to dispel the clouds of cynicism and hopelessness that have surrounded you. You don't have to consider this a 'ritual', but rather a way of bringing in healing energy and light to change some of the internal conditions that are presently obscuring your vision, and to further open your heart to your Divine home.

Blessings, dear one. Your true mission and purpose have yet to unfold before you. With love, Julie Redstone