I have been on a spiritual journey my entire life. At 41 I've found that the past seven years have brought sudden change and growth. Four years ago I man came into my life who appeared to be the answer to a prayer. I fell in love with him and continue to love him even now. He has many issues that really somehow don't seem to effect me. He is everything I've always searched for-we are comptible in almost every way... The problem lies in the fact that he apparently cannot be with just one woman... The ONLY problem we ever have is when he lies to me and I call him on it... I have let him go so many times and each time I do, there he is again... My problem lies in the fact that every time I seek guidance from spirit on my own, he comes back and we get even closer. Every time I let go, he comes back even more persistently. I have moved away - no one knows where I am, gotten rid of anything that he has ever touched right down to my car, changed my phone number, and yet he STILL found me. I don't believe it is forgiveness I'm supposed to learn, because I can't help but forgive him. He is who he is. And I guess that includes the deceitfulness and self-denial... On the surface, according to the standards of society, I should just stay away from him, he doesn't love me, he is just using me. Is that the way I am supposed to look at it? Is there more to be learned through this relationship, and is that why he won't go? -- Kelly

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Dearest One,

Your heart is open to love but it needs to be more open to love for yourself. You have a great desire to love and be loved and are willing to forego certain things in order to do so. Though you may move away physically from a relationship which seems lacking, you are not moving away in your heart sufficiently. Indeed, you are welcoming this relationship back in your heart, which is why in your requests for guidance, an external manifestation is created so quickly. These manifestations are efforts from a deeper part of yourself to show you what is hidden in your heart, and to teach you the power of saying 'yes' or 'no'.

If you want something different to happen in this relationship, beloved one, it is not a matter of changing your location but of changing your heart, your priorities, your sense of what is most important. If what is most important is to maintain this level of intimacy which, despite its lacks, has brought you many gifts, then that is what you shall continue to have. But if you want a different relationship, you will have to say 'no' more firmly in your heart. Only this will create a boundary, both energetically and emotionally, which will change the outer dynamic that you are witnessing.

The truth, dear one, is that you must decide what is most important to you. You are the creator of the reality that is troubling you. The guidance that you have asked for repeatedly is asking you to look at your hidden motivations - that which calls this relationship back into being, even while the outer part of you seems to be letting it go or moving away from it due to its limitations.

Be glad for the relationship, dear one, and for all that it has given you, and recognize the power of 'yes' and 'no'. For you are saying both at the same time and if you want things to change externally, you must choose one or the other with greater firmness.

Blessings. Julie