Dear Julie,

We've been married for almost 20 years and my husband used to love me very much until recently when we had a fight over a trivial issue like cleaning up a few papers. He usually messes up the place which takes me hours to clean and leaves me tired. When I complained about some of his piles of unnecessary paper he got very angry and we broke into and argument and our relationship changed overnight.

He says he doesn't love me anymore and has completely distanced himself from me ever since, although I apologised to him and said that I sincerely love him. He talks to me normally but doesn't show any of his previous loving gestures to me nor does he desire me anymore. I'm heartbroken and badly want him back. I will be more loving to him and not complain about his habits if only he would come back to me.Its been months since he's changed and I see no signs of softening in him. I've been praying to God everyday but nothing seems to help.

I am losing hope and dreading the future. How can I get him back to be his old self? I'm saddened and cannot concentrate on anything. Help me please. -- Sangeeta

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Dearest Sangeeta,

You are in a painful place in your relationship because circumstances have changed, but the answer cannot be for things to go back to the way they were since that cannot happen. For many relationships at this time, new energies are arising that may have been dormant before that are activating new patterns of behavior and interaction among couples. These new energy configurations may appear suddenly, seeming to relate to an external event as they did in your case, but they are not caused by that event and could have arisen in relation to a hundred other events, any one of which could have activated these new energy patterns.

What is important, even while painful, is that you trust the energy that is changing things, and try to look honestly at yourself and your husband to see which aspects of your relationship need changing. That is the fundamental question involved in the acceleration of the new into one's personal life and relationships - to allow and cooperate with the healing that is trying to take place.

Honesty begins in a twofold way - with your looking at your own view of the relationship and asking yourself - if I were not afraid of being alone or of my husband's rejection or anger, which aspects of this relationship (even now after 20 years) would I choose to change? Honesty also involves honest communication between two people in a marriage in order to clarify the things that are causing difficulties and to bring a new and more vibrant and real pattern of exchange into being.

Dearest one, though your heart may hurt, you need to pray not for the old, but for trust in the new, and you need to find within yourself the courage to communicate more fully and to look at things from the standpoint of change. This attempt to bring wholeness to things between the two of you can only serve the good. Though fear and dread may be with you at this time, try to recognize that what is happening is not related to a small, otherwise insignificant event, but to a much larger event that is funneling itself through that particular upsurge of difficulty.

Your heart will be supported by God and light if you allow things to move forward rather than backward, and if you can accept that new energies are moving through people and relationships now that are trying to bring about healing.

Blessings, beloved one, and courage to your heart. You are not alone in needing to face these changes. See what is possible in the way of greater honesty with yourself and greater communication with your husband, and know that God is with you in your own efforts to grow. With love - Julie

Note from Mashubi - To contact Julie and request assistance please see Messages by Request.