Dearest Julie

About 8 months ago i came into a spontaneous spiritual awakening/s they have been transient coming in and out.They were appearing as inner spiritual winds opening my heart centre of Love releasing my hurt heart to grieve compassion over my past traumatic life ive led most my life. I feel like im living 2 lives separately and its quiet draining.How do i intergrate the 2?

when i am not in the Light of my Self in Gods Love i am usually an upset person, usually negative in mind set fearful and doubtful, making my relationship with my boyfriend very difficult at most times and definately undermining if i am at all walking the spirit life i so desire...? because of my traumatic past of the old life i have not seen my mother in 3 yrs.

my request is to ask why i cannot align myself into the higher Self and Be it, manifest it externally? My Higher Self knows and wants to resolve the past, to show my inner Light and to break the moulds my family have projected on me. I seek to... break free from the past that i have lived, please show me if i am on the Right path as doubt can intervene and take me off it. All the Blessings to You. -- Rachel

------------------

Dearest Rachel,

You are at a wonderful point in your life and yet one that requires great patience. For the revelation of your larger Self is life changing, but it also points up the places in your psyche that are limited, small, and afraid. Indeed, compassion is what is needed, not only for your past life of hurt, but also for the length of time it may take to integrate your outer self and your inner.

This time period in which one watches the 'old' self carry on in ways that are habitual and distressing, is a painful one that must be gone through. What is important to know is that no progress can be made without this integration, and without witnessing what you would like to change in the presence of a growing longing to change it.

Longing is very important during this interim period. It creates the motivation of the heart to sustain an intense kind of spiritual striving to be better, to be purer, and to find a way of living a unified life so that you no longer feel split in two. This will one day be possible, as long as your heart's intention is that it be so. Meanwhile, the period that you are in is one of purification, of integration, of witnessing, and of allowing the new energy that has awakened within you to do its work of transforming the energetic pathways that cause you to respond repeatedly in ways that you no longer feel comfortable with.

To assist with this process, it is necessary to understand that there is nothing wrong with you or with your attitude that is causing this time delay as your outer and your inner self come together. It is the way of growth and of purification and it must happen according to an inner time table. Many people who awaken with beautiful experiences of love and truth, also go through similar feelings of frustration and dismay that they cannot actualize that lovingness and that truth in their everyday lives. So it is with you as well.

Ask God to help you become purer and to release the habitual patterns that belong to the past. Let yourself know that you welcome this new Self with the full desire of the larger heart that is awakening in you. Yet at the same time be patient and understanding toward the smaller self that is still afraid to let go of the old.

You are, and will be, greatly blessed for the choices you make that are leading you, step by step, to walk in greater light. Trust this, dear one, for your life is changing even now when so much feels like it is still the same. And practice aligning regularly with light in order to move the process along further.

Blessings and celebration, dear one, for your embodied self is coming home. Julie