Dearest Julie,

Last evening, many months later, I finally revealed to the person I love the most that I cheated on him months back. It took me a while to be honest, for I feared that I would lose the best thing that has ever walked into my life. The courage to be honest has been a difficult one for me, not just in this situation but with many others.

I do not know why I did what I did. I felt terrified of our relationship, I did not know if I was ready for something so intense, so beautiful. I lacked trust in myself, and trust in him. I know that I love him deeply, that he is my soul mate, even despite my behavior. But I do not know why I did this, what possessed me to betray the person who has done nothing but love, support and fight for me? I learned to lie when I was young, to protect myself, to hide the fact that I make really stupid choices... I want to change. I want to heal. I want to live in honesty and in peace. I do not know what to do from here? -- Ashley

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Blessings, dear Ashley,

Your plea to find a way to become more honest is heard by God who will help you in this way if you are willing to be helped. The problem with dishonesty is that it is self-perpetuating. One lie often leads to another, so that, in the end, one is covering one's tracks throughout most of life.

The courage to be honest comes from a self that is willing to be herself - that is willing to bravely face the challenges that life brings, and to confront these challenges to the best of one's ability, not perfectly, not without the desire to improve, not without concern about the consequences of action, but with forthrightness and a determination to live cleanly, and with an openness to God. This has to be a strong enough motive so that it overcomes the tendencies toward dissembling and dishonesty that can be built into one's personality structure and ego defenses so that they are difficult to see in the moment.

You are at a turning point in relation to this, if you wish to be, for you have the great gift of relationship in which love is present that can help you through your fear. Your reluctance to let yourself be loved, and your fear of doing so because of past experiences not only in this lifetime but in others, is coloring your motivation to remain in a committed and loving relationship, and so this qualification, fear, and resistance to being loved must be dealt with in a conscioius way if change is to happen.

Your heart has gone through and is going through a great deal of purification in relation to these issues, and it may be time to sweep your inner closet clean, not only with respect to the behavior which involves being unfaithful, but also to other more subtle behaviors where you are not fully honest about what you are doing or feeling, or behaviors where you withdraw instead of acting responsibly.

You are blessed with love and with God's love, so your way forward is assured if you choose it. Blessings, dear Ashley - With love, Julie