Dear Julie,

What really confuses me about my own spiritual journey is the more I seem to be growing in awareness and changing and evolving within myself, the more things seem to be being "taken away" from me! My 'outer' life has been virtually non-existent and all over the place over the last ten years and the humiliation has at times been so hard to take. I have been left in a financially desperate and dependent position which does not sit comfortably with me at all. I do not want to be seen as someone who does not want to work or earn her own money because I am too busy being 'spiritual!' Yet this is exactly what has been happening to me over a number of years and it's been so difficult to explain things to others when I havn't understood any of it myself! I have felt so out of control for the last decade! I do so want to be independent and responsible 'outwardly' as well as 'inwardly' and yet I am completely in the dark as to why things are not working for me on a 'work/financial level... I just keep surrendering to it all and I try not to blame myself in any way or believe I am doing something "wrong" because I know I am not. I wonder why would I be left in such an impoverished position over so many years! Does Spirit care about the 'outer' as well as the 'inner?'. Katerina

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Dearest Katerina,

The strength of your heart shines through all the dark days that you have lived through and has, in fact, become stronger because of this passage. Often, the mind does not know the reason for the course of outer events while the heart and soul know that something is being forged in the furnace of affliction and desperation. This is the case with the years that you have spent feeling impoverished, and not finding the means to adequately support yourself.

The problem for souls who are very devoted to serving God is one of timing. Often, there is a long period of waiting that must be undergone, partly because the inner layers of spiritual integrity, maturation, and commitment must be strengthened as the outer self and the outer life disappear, and partly because the realm of service does not yet have an adequate channel for expression in the outer world. This is not a problem that the soul creates. Rather, it is part of the realm of service chosen prior to incarnation, namely, that the embodied self would link up, when the time was right, with the fitting vehicle and channel of expression for serving God and life on the physical plane.

You have waited a long time for this opportunity to present itself, and it is important to keep waiting until it does, but without the self-doubts that are presently besetting you. At all times, remember that you are not inducing your own poverty, financial limitation, or physical or spiritual limitations because you are lazy or indifferent. Rather, these circumstances are based on the calling of your soul - your inner attunement to what is needed spiritually. You are inwardly listening and asking to be shown the right direction and the means for following it. And, indeed, in these years, you have been following the inner direction given you. Often, the body participates in this situation through its need for rest and withdrawal, so that energetically it is not possible to work more fully until the time is right.

No matter how much longer it takes, know that your heart and soul are waiting for that which is most real to penetrate the outer layers of reality and allow the inner strength and dedication that are yours to manifest more fully.

Blessings, dear one. Please stay in touch if you would like. The period of waiting is a difficult one and it is important to not wait alone. You may also wish to contact others who are articulate within the Discussion Forum on Worldblessings.net, to share these issues and to gain support.

In appreciation of who you are and of your devoted service to Life - Julie