Dear Julie,

I am very fat. I don't know why I can't fix this. I have tried for years but it seems there is some problem I have that keeps me fat or I have a fear of not being fat? I would (also) love to paint. I have the abitlity but I again don't pursue it. I don't know why? Can you help me in any why? Thank you, Kathy

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Dearest Kathy,

Your discouragement is understandable after years of trying to accomplish goals that have been difficult to realize. Nevertheless, it is important for you to take a fresh look at things, and to place the problems of eating and painting in a spiritual rather than a psychological context. From this vantage point, both may be seen as having to do with nourishment and your willingness to take in nourishment.

On the one hand, there is the employment of false nourishment which occurs through eating habits that do not promote the health of the body, but rather serve to cover over feelings of emptiness. And on the other hand, there is the difficulty in letting yourself be nourished by an activity that would bring you great joy, namely, painting. Even though you may have painted before, the presence of intensified purification in recent years is causing this issue to attach itself to your painting activity.

The problem of receiving and being willing to receive nourishment is a psychologicl one, but more importantly it is spiritual in origin. For the kind of nourishment that is needed here is that which conveys love and contributes to the deepest sense of self-love that a human being can feel. Such love nourishes the entire being, and creates an integration around habits, thoughts, motivations, and activities that promote one's well-being, rather than standing in the way of such movement. Self-love creates a resonance with ways of being and acting that are growthful and expansive, rather than with those that are limiting or constricting.

Many times, the problem of lack of nourishment comes from a deep wound which has caused the soul over many lifetimes to feel that it is not worthy of love. Though the outer self, in the present, may feel 'normal' and functional, the inner being may feel that the truest and deepest love, which is God's love, is missing in a personal way. The reason for this can be a sense of unworthiness that is not always conscious. Yet it can influence other attitudes and behaviors that reflect lack of self-love.

In the present situation, dear one, it would be helpful for you to consider this to be a new time and to think of ways in which you could allow yourself to feel nourished again. This could include changes in eating habits and the resumption of your painting, but does not necessarily have to focus on these. Nourishment that promotes and is a result of self-love comes in many forms, and the permission to feel nourished would encourage growth and do much to relieve the present impasse.

In addition to finding harmonious ways of feeling given to, pray to feel an experience of God's love and for the barriers to this experience to be removed. Your prayers will act as an active force to wipe away all the karmic residues that remain which create a belief in your own unworthiness.

Blessings, dearest one. You are greatly loved. Julie

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